Gold; 400m Hurdles; Barcelona 1992
After retirement from athletics, Gunnell immediately returned to her job as a RoSPA Advanced Driving Test examiner based in the North London region. A role she had held successfully before focusing on sport, she was quickly promoted through the ranks and was named Chief Examiner, London and Eastern England in 1998. It was Gunnell who famously failed Radio 2′s Terry Wogan after he did not indicate during a motorway lane change (a charge he rejected) and gave a “perfect score” to Brian Dowling from Big Brother 2. All seemed well. However, things went array in early 2002, when Gunnell was forced to resign over an incident with washer fluid, a Halford’s Tyre Inflator and a pair of Linford Christie’s trousers.
Not knowing what to do next, Sally became a leading light on the London social scene. She accompanied Hugh Grant to the Premiere of About a Boy and was a regular at club openings across the Captial. Gunnell reopened Tiger Tiger Nightclub in Leicester Square after a refurbishment declaring that she had “turned over a new leaf” and pledged “never to drive again”. She was first reserve for a sot on Celebrity Love Island and has since turned down the opportunity to appear on Celebrity Come Dine with Me.
After an extended spell in the public eye – including a record of 55 consecutive appearances in Heat Magazine‘s prestigious ‘Spotted’ section – Gunnell decided to quieten her life down a bit. She moved to the Falkland Islands just off the Argentine coast and purchased a dog whom she named Jack. Working as a sheep sheerer in a small village, it looked as if Gunnell had finally found her calling in life. She worked 12 hours a day and spent her evenings organising British themed events at a local pub.
However, a life was turned upside down again earlier this year after she mentioned in passing that she felt that the Argentine President “wore too much make up”. The President did not take kindly to this slur and phoned David Cameron personally to accuse him of “deliberate aggression” against her country. She demanded that Gunnell be handed over for questioning. Not wanting to cause unrest as the 30th Anniversary of the Falklands Conflict approached, Cameron reluctantly agreed to the order. Gunnell is now awaiting trial in Buenos Aries on charges of “war mongering”.
Her dog, Jack, has been sent back to the United Kingdom after being granted immunity from prosecution.
Patrick Makau has revealed that he was left “speechless” when told that he was not to compete at the London 2012 Olympics. The World Record holder has been left out of the squad after under performing at the London Marathon but has promised to appeal what he called a “very strange decision”. Makau accused Athletics Kenya of discriminating against him because he “wore a green vest” in London in 2011. He claims the association has “had a grudge” against him ever since.
“Everyone knows that Kenya hates Ethiopia” said Makau “and I was actually told to wear this green vest that looks very like the Ethiopia one. I am very sure that this is why I was not picked. It is very poor”. Makau dismissed suggestions that he was now to search for a British Grandparent in a bid to represent Team GB at the Games adding that he had “never even heard of” Charles Van Commenee or Great Britain.
“Actually I will focus on overturning this outrageous decision” said Makau from his New York attorney’s office “I am insulted to have been left out in favour of people who are rubbish. What sort of a name is Moses Mosop anyway? It sounds like some sort of kitchen cleaner. I am the best there has ever been – I am the Usain Bolt of marathons and now look. It’s sad for sport.” Makau added that if he failed to win his appeal, he had not ruled out disrupting the race to make a point. “Actually, this is something I will consider. I saw it in the boat race and I think that that might be a good idea.”
His lawyer then terminated the interview claiming his client was “tired and distressed”.
Kenenisa Bekele has responded to Usain Bolt’s claim that he is aiming to run under 9.4 seconds for the Olympic 100m by revealing his extraordinary ambition to “break 20 minutes” for 10,000m. Bekele – who has a world record of 26 minutes 17 seconds – added that training was “going very very well” and that he saw “no reason why” he couldn’t succeed in his lofty ambition. “You say to me that it cannot be done” said Bekele from a press conference “but you say to Mr Bolt that he is the greatest. It is double standards”.
“You all talk about Mr Bolt as if he is some kind of God” said the irate Ethiopian “but he isn’t a God. I know many Gods and I have to tell you that Mr Bolt is not a God”. Bekele – who has clashed with Bolt over dancing in the past – also made the incredible assertion that Bolt’s achievement in the sport “wasn’t that special”. “If you say to me that he runs under 9 seconds for the 100m, or under 18 and a half for 200m” said Bekele nonchalantly “then I start to be impressed. For me, his times are not great. I know that if I turned my thoughts to laziness then I could do the same. But I run longer, because I am better”.
Bolt was waterskiing at the time of our call to his Jamaican home and so was unavailable for comment. However, a spokesman said that Bekele’s remarks were likely to be motivated by frustration and jealousy. “It is a sad fact that Usain stole Ken’s thunder in Beijing” said Bolt’s Creative Director “and I don’t think he has forgiven him for that. Now, Ken is getting beaten by children on a muddy field in Edinburgh he feels he has to hit out. It is very sad to see him like this”.
All vehicles that are not BMWs will not be permitted to drive in the Capital whilst the Games are on, Inside the Rings understands. The move comes as part of a crackdown on official sponsor infringement and will cause a major headache for emergency services and other core London services.
London 2012′s Director of Sponsor Protection has defended the action stating that it is ‘absolutely essential’ the sponsor’s ‘human right’ to exclusive coverage be preserved. ‘We have contributed £100 to buy new ambulances, fire engines and buses. We all feel that this is totally fair recompense.’
All of London’s airports have been told not to accept non-British Airways flights and the only way to pay for anything in London this summer will be via the use of Visa cards. Somewhat extremely, Londoners face arrest and possible imprisonment if they ‘mention, discuss or acknowledge’ the existence of any non-Olympic sponsors. The London branch of Niketown will be shut and blocked off by police throughout July, August and September.
Londoners have blasted the decision with many set to ‘deliberately flout’ the laws. ‘They can’t lock us all up’ said the Regional Manager of KFC (who have had their licence revokedfor Games time) ‘we are going to offer free food for all Olympic ticket holders’.
Pilots of light aircraft will be encouraged to land and store their aircraft on farms rather than on airfields during the Olympics. The move comes amid growing anxiety that London will ‘run out’ of space to store the expensive corporate jets headed to the Captial this summer.
‘We have also spoken to some of the major carriers such as Ryanair and Easyjet’ said a spokesman for 2012 ‘whilst we accept that passengers trudging across potentially muddy fields isn’t ideal, this maybe our only option.’ Ryanair have responded particularly favourably to the proposals and immediately announced plans to introduce a ‘two tiered’ service with landing at ‘a fully functional airport’ being significantly more expensive than a ‘natural landing’. It looks unlikely, however, that the no-frills carrier will get permission to ‘push’ passengers out of the aircraft as it hovers over soft ground.
The 2012 source dismissed suggestions that Locog were ‘putting convenience ahead of safety’. ‘That is totally wrong’ he said, ‘Gatwick, Stanstead, Heathrow and City Airports will be totally full during the Olympics and the only other option is to use Manchester and Newcastle. I am sure all our visitors will agree that that is totally unacceptable.’ Organisers have already ‘reluctantly’ agreed to use runways at Birmingham and East Midlands Airports. ‘Going further North is just not an option’ added the Games insider.
